"There is a plan"

I was wait listed to New York Medical College yesterday. I absolutely did not respond the way I anticipated. Instead of being a little happy (after all it is not a rejection), I found myself exceedingly upset for the majority of the day. An ultimate rejection would mean that I finish my masters degree (which would mean I would eventually get an MS, MD behind my name), I would have another year to enjoy my mid-twenties in New York, would ultimately be a more competitive applicant and might even gain admission to an even better school. All positives right? Apparently not. In a way, wait list means extended torture. Instead of mourning failure on first attempt and moving on to second attempt, it means maybe not failing, maybe starting school a year earlier, and maybe not having to worry about an entire new application process. Maybe sucks.

The most common response from my friends and family was "don't worry, there is another plan for you," or "there is something even better in store for you," or the like. That is the absolutely WORST thing to say! It is understood that everyone is saying these things out of love, but comments like that really really do not help. First, I'm agnostic/border-line atheist and don't believe in plans, or everything in the universe working out for the best, or things being meant to be. I believe we make our own destinies. Second, even if I did believe some kind of greater plan, you don't know what my plan is, so don't tell me that what is going to happen is better than the current situation. For all you know, I get rejected in round 2, have a nervous breakdown, and get hit by a car. Something bad happening does not necessarily mean something better is going to happen later. I do not trust in the universe, I trust in myself, and frankly I feel pretty shitty about myself so that doesn't really help either.

So what is the solution? First, wait list is not the end of the world. I had already accepted that I would not get into med school this year, so I need to return to that frame of mind. Second, the next application cycle will be better. I will have my application in a month and a half earlier, hopefully have a better MCAT score, and will have a year's worth of research experience behind me. Third, wait list is not rejection. It's wait list. I just need to make sure I use this year productively and I enjoy my time as a non-med student and take advantage of the situation. This is how I make the new plan better. The difference is that it is my plan, not god's or the universe's or the flying spaghetti monster's, mine. Dealing with situations like this means making a decision to do better, not assuming that everything is going to work out.

In close, being wait listed sucks. There is no way around the torture that is the dreaded wait list. Friends and family of people going through this, be supportive, but don't be delusional. False hope is the worst kind so don't give it.