MS1 is over, last summer is over, MS2 is almost half over, and we are getting married in June! The last tidbit was actually what made me pick up the computer again and have another go at this.
When we got engaged, I turned to the blogosphere to see if I could find some experiences of people who had gone before me in this whole conquer MS2, take the boards, plan a wedding thing. Turns out there wasn't much there. After watching 2 friends at med school go through the wedding planning thing during MS1, I was a little terrified. It seemed to take up a lot of their time and mental energy and frankly, at least at our school, you have even less of those precious commodities in second year than in first.
What I have learned is this: weddings are only as stressful as you make them. Now, I'm not going to sit here and lie and say that our wedding planning has been perfectly zen, but I think, overall, it has been pretty low stress because I've approached wedding planning like a triage. Take care of worst, most potentially disastrous things first, take care of less pressing things later, and if it's dead, move on. I think the last part is the most crucial. I will elaborate on these points over the next few days but will start with number 3:
If it's dead, move on- My Venue Saga
In wedding planning, whether you are a medical student or not, there will be things that are completely out of your control, and no matter how hard you wish, there is no way you can change the outcome. Stressing about these things is wasted energy, so recognize that it's a bummer then let it go.
The best example would be our venue hunt. At first, we had this grand idea to have a huge wedding up at my fiancé's family's property in upstate New York. We were going to have a giant tent, I was going to walk across the bridge that is next to the waterfall into a chapel of trees then we would have a lovely dinner and would dance the night away under a giant tent. Here's what killed that one: Problem #1: Wedding in New York, even if it is upstate are super expensive. Problem #2: Portapotties. Now, I love camping and roughing it as much as the next girl, but there was no way in hell I was going to have honey buckets at my wedding. I understand that there are super lavish portable bathrooms but that brings us back to item number 1. There were many other smaller issues: lodging, transportation, land improvements…. but really, the straw that broke the camel's back was the honey bucket situation. Solution? Kill the whole idea, and have a wedding at a vineyard in Virginia (where my family is from). Why a vineyard? My family are southern WASPs so they love wine, my fiancé's family come from an Irish Catholic lineage so they like wine ergo, the wedding should be at a vineyard. Not ideal, fiancé and I have only been to Virginia together twice, but the price is right, and more importantly, it's where my mom is so when I tap out of planning, she will be in her comfort zone when she has to pick up the pieces.
So then we started looking for a venue. This was in my first week of MS2, so late July/early August, planning a wedding for June 14 the following year. No bigs, just another day in You-Are-A-Crazy-Person Town. Then came Problem number 3: b*%ches plan weddings hella early! I called my dream venue to ask about the date and here is how that went:
Me (M): Hi, I was hoping to book your venue for my wedding on June 14?
Wedding Consultant (WC): yes, you are so lucky. This is our last date in June we have available.
M: Great! Let me just put that in my calendar: Super Nice Virginia Vineyard, June 14, 2014.
WC: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you meant 2015. 2014 has been booked for the past 10 months (she said with a nasty hit of "oh child, bless your poor ignorant little heart")
M: Oh, ok. Thank's for your help. (I said with a hint of "Seriously! WTF! Who plans their f*%king wedding 2 years in advance?!?)
So that happened. It was dead, move on. The above scenario more or less happened with all but one vineyard that I contacted. It turned out I really did get the last day in June they had available. At least it was 2014. Problem was, I wasn't totally in love with the space and felt sad for a while (by a while, I mean about a day, but this was before an exam so time perception gets messed up). This was when I had to sit myself down and examine the options:
Option 1: Cancel the "meh" venue and book the wedding for June 2016 (because let's face it, I'm not going to have time for a wedding in third year, or the beginning of 4th year.)
Option 2: Get over it, get excited about getting married, and learn to love the venue.
That's it. Those were the options. It was June 14 or wait 2 more years (we are getting married right after I take the boards, right before I start 3rd year). If I wasn't in medical school (but I am) or my parents were loaded (they aren't) or if we were willing to do a small destination wedding (we weren't) then there would be plenty of other options but given the situation, the "meh" venue was the best I could do under the circumstances. Ruminating and being disappointed and trying to find another viable option were a wast of time and energy. Yes, if I wasn't in med school, I probably could have gone down to Virginia, driving around to a bunch of different places, and maybe, have found something else. This would have taken time I didn't have and prolonged the find a venue stress for longer than necessary only to maybe reveal another option. Absolutely not worth it. Meh venue is fine by me. The beautiful dream venue is dead. Move on. That's exactly what we did.
Today, about 3 months after booking the venue, I have managed to find other things I love- my dress, my caterer, my wedding planner, my rehearsal dinner space, oh yeah, and my fiancé! You know what? It'll be great. The venue is the shell for the wedding, and it's still a beautiful venue and the price is right. Honestly, in retrospect, there probably isn't a huge significant difference between the venue we picked and my dream venue. The space is different, but the only person comparing the spaces is me, and the place we chose, has many wonderful features. So there you have it.
The key is this: Be happy about the things that are good, let go of the things that are disappointing and can't be changed, and find the positives in everything.
