It's almost April. I have 11 weeks and 3 days until I take Step I. I'm in that strange place where I really want time to slow down because I have so much stuff to do between now and then, but I also want time to continue to go by quickly because I can feel the familiar twinge of burn out. Second year has been rough. First year, I was extremely good at school. I was near the top of my class in all classes except biochem and I still felt that excited twinge of competition that drove me to succeed and perform well on my exams. Now I'm just tired. All I want to do is pass. I've been dragging all year. I'd like to say its because I've been distracted by the wedding but I really haven't. I'm just exhausted, and sick of sitting in a chair memorizing information, 80% of which I will most likely forget and never use in my career. There are days when the only thing preventing me from quitting is my massive student loan debt.
All of that said, I'm really excited to start third year. I know the hours will be long for some rotations, but I do best when I actually get to interact with people. I love interacting and building relationships with patients. I recognize the relationship building is limited in 3rd year because of the rotation schedule, but even getting to see the same person a few times and working with them is really what I look forward to. This is probably why I'm leaning more toward OB/GYN and less toward surgery. I do enjoy operating- the precision, the physicality, the ability to actually be able to "do something" for a patient. I also really like building relationships. Enter OB/GYN a nice blend of the two. It's also a relatively positive specialty. But I digress.... All of this is literally MONTHS away. Now at the end of second year it feels almost like the light at the end of the tunnel that just keeps moving.
The highlight of my week was picking my "grid" for the order of my rotations next year. Basically we rank various orders of rotations by preference then some computer algorithm tries to give everyone their highest ranked choice. In the next step, we will pick WHERE we rotate. Which I'm also very excited for. Anything that involves looking forward is exciting. Anything that involves doing the work I still need to do to get there is torture.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Recovery
I always feel like it takes several days to recover from a big exam. Our most recent one was on Friday. Since it was match day, they decided to make our exams be one hour earlier so we wouldn't have to listen to all of the commotion being made by people in a far happier place than we were. We started at 8 am and ended at noon. 4 hours, 255 questions. It was awful. So awful that by the time you get to the last 20 questions, you don't even care anymore. You just want to bubble in all C's and be done. Add to that the 2 week run of chronic sleep deprivation and you end up with a severe post exam hangover.
Luckily for me, I decided the weekend needed to be full of activities:
-Friday: after the exam, went home, had a strong cocktail and passed out. Woke up, showered and drove into the city to Brooklyn for my friend's birthday party. My fiancé met me there, we had a lovely time and were home in bed by around 2am.
-Saturday: Woke up at 7:30 so I could wash off the stench of hipster cocktails before the F and I left for our 9:30 am appointment to see an apartment. The apartment sucked. Next, I went to school to teach science to some middle school kids in the STEP program. F picked me up at 2:30, we took our dog to the dog park then went home. I promptly passed out. Woke up to eat dinner then went back to bed.
-Sunday: had another apartment appointment at 11, home by 12. Worked on catching up on emails and wedding things until we left around 4. Drove into the city to go wedding suit shopping then met another old friend for dinner in the east village. Home by 11, went immediately to bed.
Needless to say I'm still recovering, while also trying to learn GI pathology.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Test Week Truth #4
Sometimes you have to chose not to worry about the small stuff.
Due to the facts that I am getting married in 3 months and my fiancé and I have been in a bit of a back and forth with our landlord (who has decided she wants to sell the apartment we are living in and therefore would like to be showing the apartment in April… 2 months before my boards/ finals/ wedding), there are some issues that come up that need solutions. I tend to ruminate over problems and after I spend half a day ruminating over them, I talk them to death once my fiancé gets home or with whoever will pick up the phone and listen to me. This is clearly not a good way to handle things so I came up with a little flow chart for problem solving wherein the end task is always to remove the problem from my head, at least for the time being.
1) Does this problem have a solution that is within my control?
-NO --> let it go, there is nothing that can be done
-YES --> Question 2
2) Will waiting X days to deal with this problem change the outcome?
-YES --> Outsource problem to fiancé/parent/friend
-NO --> Set a date (usually the day after exams) to handle problem, until then, don't think about it. Nothing you do now is going to change the outcome.
3) It's impossible to stop thinking about this problem, I'm super pissed/stressed and can't get it out of my mind.
-Set at timer- 30 minutes to come up with some kind of solution that is satisfactory. Decide to re-visit this solution after the exam or outsource executing the solution to someone else.
Per our apartment issue, I decided a decent solution that I could control would be for us to give our one month notice and just move over a weekend. We'd hire movers, I would go stay at my in-laws during the process so study time would be minimally affected. I found one of those corporate apartment companies, called to see if they had vacancies, and scheduled an appointment for Saturday morning. Are we actually going to move? I have no idea, but I do have a plan that is acceptable, and haven't thought about it since (aside from writing about it on this blog post).
Due to the facts that I am getting married in 3 months and my fiancé and I have been in a bit of a back and forth with our landlord (who has decided she wants to sell the apartment we are living in and therefore would like to be showing the apartment in April… 2 months before my boards/ finals/ wedding), there are some issues that come up that need solutions. I tend to ruminate over problems and after I spend half a day ruminating over them, I talk them to death once my fiancé gets home or with whoever will pick up the phone and listen to me. This is clearly not a good way to handle things so I came up with a little flow chart for problem solving wherein the end task is always to remove the problem from my head, at least for the time being.
1) Does this problem have a solution that is within my control?
-NO --> let it go, there is nothing that can be done
-YES --> Question 2
2) Will waiting X days to deal with this problem change the outcome?
-YES --> Outsource problem to fiancé/parent/friend
-NO --> Set a date (usually the day after exams) to handle problem, until then, don't think about it. Nothing you do now is going to change the outcome.
3) It's impossible to stop thinking about this problem, I'm super pissed/stressed and can't get it out of my mind.
-Set at timer- 30 minutes to come up with some kind of solution that is satisfactory. Decide to re-visit this solution after the exam or outsource executing the solution to someone else.
Per our apartment issue, I decided a decent solution that I could control would be for us to give our one month notice and just move over a weekend. We'd hire movers, I would go stay at my in-laws during the process so study time would be minimally affected. I found one of those corporate apartment companies, called to see if they had vacancies, and scheduled an appointment for Saturday morning. Are we actually going to move? I have no idea, but I do have a plan that is acceptable, and haven't thought about it since (aside from writing about it on this blog post).
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Test week truth #2
Things I've withheld from myself in order to increase productivity (ie no X until you finish Y):
-Breakfast
-Shower
-Chocolate
-Sex
-Sleep
-Exercise (only works because I like to exercise)
-Booze
-Changing in to comfortable clothes
-Coffee (diminishing returns)
-Internet access
-My Facebook password (requires the help of my fiancé)
-My cell phone
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Test Week Truth #1
I have been a bad poster, but we have now entered test week. In an effort to remedy this problem- I present to you- Test Week Truths.
When trying to decide if you want to spend the time to take a shower (instead of studying), if you can't remember whether or not you showered the day before, you should probably shower.
Also: Study Puppy Picture Bonus
"Pharmacology? Le Sigh...."
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Sensitive
We learn the "sensitive" exams in the second year at my med school. By "sensitive exams" I mean Male GU (kidneys, penis, testicles, hernia, and rectal exams) and female breast and gyn exam (speculum, bimanual, and rectal-vaginal exam). The way it works is that we go to a clinical site where several professionals act as highly trained standardized patients (SPs). They first demonstrate these exams, and then talk us through doing the exams on themselves. To a non-medical person, it probably sounds kind of odd, but it was one of the most valuable experiences I've had in my medical school career. The SPs not only teach us the mechanics of how to perform the exam, but help us to develop our technique of sensitively explaining what is going on in the exam and avoiding any pitfalls like saying "I'm now going to feel your breast" (as opposed to "I'm not going to examine your breast") and help us to learn how to make the patient feel as comfortable as humanly possible.
A few weeks ago, I had just learned the male GU exam and was later telling a few non-medical friends about it while we were visiting (I would never divulge any of the details, but just shared that I had learned the exam, how it was taught, and what a great learning experience it was). I was genuinely really proud of myself for having gotten through that hurdle, and was excited to share my experience because it was such a major part of my education. While I didn't expect them to want to hear all of the details (which I wouldn't share anyway out of respect to my SP), I was surprised by their response. They were a bit disgusted and shocked (in a really negative way) to hear that there were people who would voluntarily submit themselves to the experience of being an SP. Now I know that there are things in medicine that most people would rather not hear about, but I was really disappointed in their reaction. I have so so much respect for the SPs who were our teachers and am so incredibly grateful for what they did for my education. These are people who are incredibly comfortable in their bodies, are extremely knowledgable, and who must work tirelessly to develop their teaching skills. They truly deserve nothing but the highest level of respect and gratitude from anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of one of these exams. The fact that anyone could feel differently (even if they are a little weirded out) completely blows my mind. I think they were also uncomfortable with how comfortable I was with the whole experience, which also defys logic. Does anyone honestly think that physicians who perform those exams are uncomfortable while performing them? That would be a disaster, and a disservice to the patent. I left the conversation feeling offended and frustrated that none of them respected or recognized the significance of the experience.
Today, I learned how to do the GYN exam. The woman who taught us was amazing. She was so incredibly thorough in working with us on every aspect of the exam, from how we place our body relative to the patient to how to describe what we see and feel during the exam. Words can't express how grateful I am to have had her at my teacher. I left the experience more confident in my current interest to pursue OB/GYN as my specialty. I like the challenge of making a patient comfortable in a situation that is incredibly uncomfortable for most. There is a certain level of frankness coupled with warmth that you have to find, and that suits me, I think.
We are doing the lottery for our 3rd year rotations this month, and I should know the order and where all of my rotations will be by the end of the month. I'm definitely going to make sure OB/GYN is in the middle so I can do my best and hopefully get a good letter for residency applications.
A few weeks ago, I had just learned the male GU exam and was later telling a few non-medical friends about it while we were visiting (I would never divulge any of the details, but just shared that I had learned the exam, how it was taught, and what a great learning experience it was). I was genuinely really proud of myself for having gotten through that hurdle, and was excited to share my experience because it was such a major part of my education. While I didn't expect them to want to hear all of the details (which I wouldn't share anyway out of respect to my SP), I was surprised by their response. They were a bit disgusted and shocked (in a really negative way) to hear that there were people who would voluntarily submit themselves to the experience of being an SP. Now I know that there are things in medicine that most people would rather not hear about, but I was really disappointed in their reaction. I have so so much respect for the SPs who were our teachers and am so incredibly grateful for what they did for my education. These are people who are incredibly comfortable in their bodies, are extremely knowledgable, and who must work tirelessly to develop their teaching skills. They truly deserve nothing but the highest level of respect and gratitude from anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of one of these exams. The fact that anyone could feel differently (even if they are a little weirded out) completely blows my mind. I think they were also uncomfortable with how comfortable I was with the whole experience, which also defys logic. Does anyone honestly think that physicians who perform those exams are uncomfortable while performing them? That would be a disaster, and a disservice to the patent. I left the conversation feeling offended and frustrated that none of them respected or recognized the significance of the experience.
Today, I learned how to do the GYN exam. The woman who taught us was amazing. She was so incredibly thorough in working with us on every aspect of the exam, from how we place our body relative to the patient to how to describe what we see and feel during the exam. Words can't express how grateful I am to have had her at my teacher. I left the experience more confident in my current interest to pursue OB/GYN as my specialty. I like the challenge of making a patient comfortable in a situation that is incredibly uncomfortable for most. There is a certain level of frankness coupled with warmth that you have to find, and that suits me, I think.
We are doing the lottery for our 3rd year rotations this month, and I should know the order and where all of my rotations will be by the end of the month. I'm definitely going to make sure OB/GYN is in the middle so I can do my best and hopefully get a good letter for residency applications.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Study Snack!
Lately I've switched to being the student who never goes to class and studies from home. This is partially due to the fact that my med school FINALLY agreed to camtasia (where they record the powerpoint/smartboard slides with voiceover and post the videos to the internet) all lectures and partially because I've completely lost my ability to pay attention to 3 hours straight of lecture (or more accurately, I never had the ability, and finally recognized that not paying attention in lecture for 2 hours was a waste of 2 hours).
My new system is to watch lectures from home on camtasia. It takes me a little bit longer because I pause to take notes, go to the bathroom, search Facebook, slam my head into the desk…. but overall I think it's a time saver because I only have to watch/read (via transcription) the lecture once. Added bonus, my dog is SUPER happy about the situation.
Another bonus of studying from home is I save a ton of money because I don't have to worry about forgetting/not having time to pack my lunch. I have a pretty fast metabolism, so I usually get hungry around 10:30-11ish and need a snack. Today I'm trying spin on a recipe I found somewhere on Pinterest- Roasted Chick Peas. They are super healthy, a great source of protein, and take a minimum amount of time to make. Plus, in the winter (especially this polar vortex fueled winter from hell) I find myself craving something warm.
Here is the recipe I went with today (The nice thing is when you get tired of one flavor, you can change it up!!):
Roasted Spicy Chick Peas: Active time: less than 5 minutes
-1 can chick peas drained (I use canned organic chickpeas from TJs)
-Olive oil (just drizzle it all over)
-pinch of salt
-1/2 Teaspoon each of curry powder, cumin, and chili powder
-dash of cayenne pepper
Toss all ingredients in the colander that you drained your chickpeas in (I imagine you could do the same with the can and save a dish)
Throw onto a baking sheet lined with tinfoil (I didn't do the tinfoil this time, but it makes the cleanup even faster)
Bake at 425 for about 30 minutes and VOILA!!
My new system is to watch lectures from home on camtasia. It takes me a little bit longer because I pause to take notes, go to the bathroom, search Facebook, slam my head into the desk…. but overall I think it's a time saver because I only have to watch/read (via transcription) the lecture once. Added bonus, my dog is SUPER happy about the situation.
Another bonus of studying from home is I save a ton of money because I don't have to worry about forgetting/not having time to pack my lunch. I have a pretty fast metabolism, so I usually get hungry around 10:30-11ish and need a snack. Today I'm trying spin on a recipe I found somewhere on Pinterest- Roasted Chick Peas. They are super healthy, a great source of protein, and take a minimum amount of time to make. Plus, in the winter (especially this polar vortex fueled winter from hell) I find myself craving something warm.
Here is the recipe I went with today (The nice thing is when you get tired of one flavor, you can change it up!!):
Roasted Spicy Chick Peas: Active time: less than 5 minutes
-1 can chick peas drained (I use canned organic chickpeas from TJs)
-Olive oil (just drizzle it all over)
-pinch of salt
-1/2 Teaspoon each of curry powder, cumin, and chili powder
-dash of cayenne pepper
Toss all ingredients in the colander that you drained your chickpeas in (I imagine you could do the same with the can and save a dish)
Throw onto a baking sheet lined with tinfoil (I didn't do the tinfoil this time, but it makes the cleanup even faster)
Bake at 425 for about 30 minutes and VOILA!!
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Chow
I generally prefer to cook in bulk so I can spend 30mins to an hour on food prep one day and then microwave for the rest of the week.
This week I picked 2 meats and 2 sides all from Trader Joes.
Monday:
-I took my whole chicken out to thaw
-thawed my TJs Alaskan coho salmon the baked it: layers both filets out skin side down on tin foil in a 13x9 baking dish and seasoned with salt and TJ's lemon pepper then did a generous coating of creme fraiche. Baked at 450 for 10 minutes
-cooked 2 cups of TJs multicolored quinoa per package instructions
-made 2 bags of TJs Kale: 3 frozen garlic cubes in pan with olive oil, continuously add kale until it all fits in the big skillet or wok. Add a little bit of water. Cover and steam until salmon is done.
The salmon lasted Monday night and Monday lunch for both my fiancé and me.
Wednesday I baked my chicken (seasoning it with the remainder of my cocktail mixing ingredients):
-rinse out chicken and set on roasting pan
-in a bowl combine half a stick of butter, 2 table spoons olive oil, zest from 3 lemons, 2 sprigs rosemary chopped, salt, pepper. Rub the mixture all over the chicken (including under skin and in cavity)
-squeeze juice of 2 lemons over chicken
-slice the remaining lemon into quarters and slice a small onion into chunks- stuff the lemon, onion and one more rosemary sprig into cavity
-Bake at 425until temperature reaches 165 when measured at the thigh.
-check your chicken after about 30minutes. If it looks pretty brown, cover it with some tin foil.
The chicken took about 20 minutes of prep time (just long enough to watch modern family). Tomorrow is Friday and we will be at the end of the chicken, Kale, and quinoa. Two people fed dinner and lunch for one week (plus salmon skin for the dog), about an hour of prep time, total cost: $40. Great success.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Let Me Entertain You
This past Saturday was my 27th birthday. Because a birthday that falls on a weekend and is not overshadowed by work or impending exam doom is super rare, I thought I should throw a party for myself. My parents and brother came up to visit, and my best friend from college came early came so I had a ton of help. I love my fiancé to pieces, but he isn't exactly a planner, nor is he much of a cook, so he wasn't especially helpful in the planning phase. He was, however, a superstar in the cleanup department before and after the party and did a great job following instructions with food prep.
When it was all said and done, we had about 20 guests- my family, fiancé's family, some friends from med school, friends from college, and a few of my fiancé's friends. Because I've been struggling a lot with wedding guest list because there are so many people I "should" invite encroaching on the people I truly want to invite, I was super brutal with my birthday. I only invited people who I truly enjoyed spending time with and completely, and selfishly, ignored any feelings of should or obligation. The result? An amazing diverse group of people who got along splendidly and had a great time.
Since I'm southern, I feel anytime people come to my home I need to feed them. I was especially proud of my food and cocktail menu, which I cultivated on Pinterest over several weeks:
Food:
-Smoked salmon, creme fraiche, and chive on savory crisp
-Toasted french bread with warm goat cheese and fig butter (huge hit)
- Crudite platter with 3 types of hummus
-Cheese plate: white cheddar, brie, and blue cheese with water crackers and raisin rosemary crisps
-North Carolina pulled pork sliders
-Sweet and spicy chicken wrapped in bacon bites
-prosciutto wrapped melon bites
-spinach artichoke dip
When it was all said and done, we had about 20 guests- my family, fiancé's family, some friends from med school, friends from college, and a few of my fiancé's friends. Because I've been struggling a lot with wedding guest list because there are so many people I "should" invite encroaching on the people I truly want to invite, I was super brutal with my birthday. I only invited people who I truly enjoyed spending time with and completely, and selfishly, ignored any feelings of should or obligation. The result? An amazing diverse group of people who got along splendidly and had a great time.
Since I'm southern, I feel anytime people come to my home I need to feed them. I was especially proud of my food and cocktail menu, which I cultivated on Pinterest over several weeks:
Food:
-Smoked salmon, creme fraiche, and chive on savory crisp
-Toasted french bread with warm goat cheese and fig butter (huge hit)
- Crudite platter with 3 types of hummus
-Cheese plate: white cheddar, brie, and blue cheese with water crackers and raisin rosemary crisps
-North Carolina pulled pork sliders
-Sweet and spicy chicken wrapped in bacon bites
-prosciutto wrapped melon bites
-spinach artichoke dip
-birthday cake!!
Cocktails
-plain vodka
-gin
-whiskey
-rye
Cocktails
-plain vodka
-gin
-whiskey
-rye
-beer
-wine
-assortment of mixers and garnish: tonic water, seltzer water, cucumber, basil, mint, rosemary simple syrup, mint simple syrup, maraschino cherries, orange, lime, lemon, and sugar cubes.
-assortment of mixers and garnish: tonic water, seltzer water, cucumber, basil, mint, rosemary simple syrup, mint simple syrup, maraschino cherries, orange, lime, lemon, and sugar cubes.
-I posted 3 ideas for cocktails and encouraged everyone to get creative!!
I had the food on our dining room table and the bar in the kitchen, which kept people moving in between spaces. I felt like the fun cocktail mixers provided a fun adult activity for everyone and gave people a common conversation starter. All in all the party was a great success!!
Here is a picture of the bar set up
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